Monday, June 21, 2021

I miss you

 Hi Qaiser, 

I miss you much, it's hurt. 

Saturday, May 2, 2020

Covid - 19 Skyline


Covid 19 is a world pandemic. First known as Coronavirus and name as Covid 19 because it was found in year 2019.

Despite the Movement Control Order, the Earth is healing and the sky is so beautiful.

The pollution rate is reduce and ocean is cleaner. Dolphins even spotted back in Venice canal.

Here are some of skyline pictures during MCO 2020.

Wednesday, July 3, 2019



Where are you ?
        I cried for help yesterday. 

They can't see
        I'm drowning. 


I'm scared,
      I'm torned apart
I'm broken, 
      I'm being pushed. 


May all tears wiped out, 
    May laughters burst out, 
May smile deepen, 
     May heart become round again. 

Monday, March 18, 2019


I still remember i cried while going back from work in the shuttle bus. I cried because I can't stand anymore doing the job that I don't like. Everyday, when I wake up, I tell myself than weekend is near and I still need to go to work, because I need to pay for my own bills. 

2018 I become worse, there was a time I begged my parents and asked them " Can I quit my job?".
My mum was so worried, while my dad asked me to become stronger.

I remember coming back from work, sitting in front of my computer for hours for job searching.
I scrolled and sent as many emails as I can to get a new job.

Finally, in December 2018, I got an interview with international bank.  I was so excited, I did my happy dance. The interviewer asked me why I wanted to change my job , and my answer didn't really impressed her. I was so nervous and I kept telling myself that I have failed the interview. Finally, I get my answer. My hunch is correct, I didn't get the job.

I feel so bad, like why it is so hard for me to get a new job. I feel depressed and unhappy. Thankfully, after my trip to Jakarta, I feel alive and can be happy again.  Live is hard in Jakarta, they need to hustle to get a food on their table, I saw someone walking without shoes pushing his selling cart on a busy road. I feel bad because I spend so much on my lunch, where there was someone struggling to find money on the streets and cannot afford to buy a pair of shoes. I cried so hard that night.
That moments, makes me realise something. No matter how shitty I feel about myself, there is someone out there struggling to find money to eat. 

2019 One day in January, I get an interview invitation. I feel happy, and I tell myself, I think this time I will get this job, I went for the interview and they accept me right away! I was so happy, I feel  I am floating while going back home.

I tell my parents that I get a new job, and shockingly they didn't fee happy for my new job. I was devastated. I really want a new job and they didn't approve me. I was angry and confused, They said that the job doesn't suit me and requires travelling.

In the end, I think what is the best for me. I should just go and accept this new job, because I believe that I can do this job well. I shouldn't stay at my old job anymore, it irks me alot and I need a new environment.

I hope I can be happy with my new job and my life. I am so scared if  I ever had a deep thoughts again. I am blessed that I am still live until today. I love myself even more and I hope people will treat me better. I may look cold hearted , like I don't care person, but deep inside, I feel hurt too. 

I want to travel again, and keep  making memories. 



Saturday, March 9, 2019

Hatyai trip!

The infamous pad thai at asean night market

Hatyai central plaza mall

Coconut ice cream near central plaza 

Fish porridge

Khao means rice- gai means chicken

Jakarta on new year eve

Old town square- Falatillah square, one day before new year. Damn packed with people chilling with their love ones.

Sunday free cars 

Murtabak manis , with lots of cheese and peanut. Quite pricey! 

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Life time punishment

"can we end this ?"

"what's this?


while you have everything, i lost everything, including myself.  

tell me; the purpose of living ?

because; i don't know how, to live, with or without you.